My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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