Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
