OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
