I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
