Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
soo... how was my night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
