About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
