If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
