I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
