It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
me + whiskey = a bad person
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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