i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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