Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize