hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
