She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
