...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
