so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
