What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
