Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
