I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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