My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
