I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
