Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
