i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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