Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
