I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
