remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
