Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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