I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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