I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
