No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
