Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
