Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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