God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and she was petting her beer can
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
