Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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