I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
