I think I am morally bankrupt
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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