the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and she was petting her beer can
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
