Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Drake has all the answers
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
