I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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