the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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