I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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