im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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