There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
