i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
