found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
