i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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