I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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