matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
