Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize