My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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