My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
