Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
