every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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