i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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