He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Less talking, more tequila
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
