6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
