i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind