your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.