You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
sex in a hospital.. check
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill