Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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