Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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