Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
