You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Boobs are out for the taking
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
