just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
