He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
