Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.