Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.