I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.