i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...