More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
