I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
